Misconnection
by TempestJo
Summary: Alternate Universe as prompted by Hanabi, Sheldon has a computer glich and finds himself somewhere a long time ago.. It's AU so it's OOC :P
1. Chapter 1

It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Develop a means of connecting one's computer to one's brain, and eliminate the middle men of speech and/or typing. Unnecessary for some perhaps, who thought at the same speed they typed, (or spoke) but for him it would save hundreds of hours in a single year.

Yes, a brilliant idea.

Or so it seemed. Now though, sitting in a pile of what appeared to be horse feed, he wasn't so sure. One minute he was sitting at his desk, connecting the sensors to his head, the next... Well, he wasn't quite sure where he was.

A rat crawled out of the hay beside him and he leapt to his feet, hand clutched to his chest. A rat, the most plague-infested rodent there was, and him without antibacterial hand wash. Good thing he had updated his shots recently, this proved the old adage, you just never know.

Brushing the hay from his rear, he looked around, trying to spot a landmark, but there was nothing. Not a building, not a road, not even any aeroplanes in the sky. It was eerily quiet, even with his abnormally good hearing.

There was only the faintest of paths, and more hay scattered down it, as if it had fallen off the back of a cart.

But that was ridiculous, nobody used carts any more, except to ferry Beauty Queens down main street in a parade. With a derisive sniff, he set off down the trail. It had to lead somewhere.

It was not long before he caught up to the cart, which was plodding along behind an ox. A person with long blonde hair was walking beside it, and she turned to face him brandishing a sword when he spoke.

"Excuse me," He began, before he found his nose point to point with a sword of ancient creation that looked very much like it was newly made, being wielded like a person looking very like Penny.

"What are you?" She spoke, instantly.

He frowned. "What do you mean? I am Homo Novus." It was Penny, he was sure of it, only her hair was longer, not so tidy, and she didn't smell of bath products she smelled.. He sniffed again then took a step back. She smelled like it had been a while since her last bath.

"Homo who?" She glared, seeming not to recognize him. It was puzzling to be sure, did he not look the same as he always did? And what was she doing in the middle of nowhere with a sword?

"My name is Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper, I am a theoretical physicist." He said slowly.

"Are you one of the invaders with the feathers in their heads?"

He felt the top of his head. "No."

The sword was lowered. "Where did you come from then, and what is with those skins?" She reached out and plucked at his shirt.

"Why haven't you had a bath?" He countered.

She blinked up at him and tilted her head. "What's that?"

Her gaze was honest and appraising, and it finally sunk in, she had no idea who he was. She was not the Penny of his world. And she'd probably never had a bath in her life.

He nearly vomited at the thought.

"Take me to your people." He ordered. He had to figure this out and get back home before the new episode of Doctor Who came on.

One of her eyebrows went up and again the sword was at his throat. "You are bossy. But I see signs of good health, and I must procreate. You are now my prisoner. Walk."

"Your prisoner? Procreate? But Penny!"

"Shut up." She ordered, poking him with the word. "It is better to be my prisoner than dead, no?"

"Very well." He sighed and bent his head, then began walking. This was very strange.

In a few turns of the road, they came upon what some would call a village. A collection of tiny huts surrounded an open space with a large fire, and an iron cauldron over it, the contents bubbling away.

"Oh ho, the brave warrior returns." A man sneered from the other side of the clearing.

"Braver than you, one who cowers at thunder."

"Thunder is displeasure of the God,s I have right to cower." Was the argumentative response.

"You cower before the gods, I have brought back a god as my prisoner." She replied with a tilt of her nose. "And may the rest thunder all they want and you cower under the hay for all the rest of your days."

"Who is that?" Sheldon whispered, as more people came out to see what was going on.

"My brother." The Penny look-a-like sighed. "May he die of plague at the old age of thirty two."

"Thirty-two?"

"We become elders at the age of thirty three." She replied, prodding him again with the edge of the sword. "Prisoners do not ask questions if they want to keep their tongues.."

If his new brain to computer device worked, he wouldn't need his tongue, he thought of pointing out, but instead he shut his mouth and let himself be forced into a nearby hut and lashed to a wooden post in the center of it. A multitude of comments wanted to trip off his tongue, but he held them all.

It was exhausting.


	2. Chapter 2

CH2

It didn't take long from his standing position to notice things were a little different. He had begun to think he was back in time, through some computer generated worm hole (a discovery which would have guaranteed him a Nobel Prize for sure!) but the Penny look-a-like had, of all things, a remarkably large shoe closet.

Why a woman who had never had a bath wanted so many shoes, he didn't know. Especially since they all looked pretty well the same, made of natural fibers and animal skins, as were available in the ancient days of the Bronze Age. A low bed covered in pelts and furs was in one corner next to the shoes, and the other side of the hut had a vast assortment of weaponry.

Finally, he could keep quiet no more. "Who are you?"

She sat down on her bed and began to polish her sword. "Who are you?" She countered.

He sighed in annoyance. "I am Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper, I told you this already. I am a theoretical physicist, from Pasadena, California, Planet Earth."

"Welcome to Omadena." She replied.

Sheldon fell silent, horrified. He'd not found a portal to another time, or another place. He'd somehow plugged into Penny's Medieval Sims game. "Oh blast." He muttered. He must have left his computer logged into it from the night before when he had hacked in to see if he liked the game enough to purchase it. Penny had used the game to create a world that combined both Omaha and Pasadena, and was a bizarre mix of ancient and modern beliefs. This blonde creature then was the virtual Penny. He turned his eyes back to study her. The game had limitations, only certain types of clothing were available, only building materials specific to the medieval time period existed. However, that had not stopped Penny from accumulating for herself a closet of footwear. "Tell me about the people of Omadena." He requested. Perhaps the virtual version of himself could help him escape?

Penny smiled. "Well, you met my brother, he's a mystic and general ass. Smokes a bit too much of his own cure, if you know what I mean. Then there is my father, the Keeper of the fields which grow our food."

"And your friends?" He prodded, waiting to her his name.

"Amyix is in charge of the animal training. And Bernadettix is in charge of chemical warfare. And then there is the cart builder Howardus, though he's not really a friend, he's Bernadettix's mate. And Rajus, the moon-reader." She stopped with a nod.

"That's it?"

"Well, there was a Leonardus, but he was taken slave by a rival village. Rajus's sister took him." Penny shook her head wisely. "A terrible fate, but one he chose."

"Who is Amyix's mate?" Sheldon queried. Could it be that Penny had not made a virtual Sheldon? There was a strange feeling in his chest, what world would be complete without a Sheldon in it?

"Amyix is sharing a bed with Zachus." Penny smiled. "And then there is you, Sheldonus. We were warned you were coming. You will be my mate, I must procreate."

"I don't procreate." He said firmly. He must have plugged in at the exact moment that Penny created him, thus inhabiting his virtual character. Why had she made him last? Why was he to be her mate? Excepting the fact that he was clearly the most intelligent of the bunch, with the greatest stature of course.

"Then how will I get a Nemoyix or Nemoyus to rule Omadena when I am dead like my father before me?" She glared at him.

He raised his eyebrows. Interesting development. "Perhaps we will come to an agreement. Must I be tied to this post for much longer?"

A shout rang out from the clearing outside, and Penny stood up, sliding her sword back into it's sheath. "Feast." She smiled at him. "I will bring you some, tonight is dead carcass with a side of root vegetables."


	3. Chapter 3

CH3

His hands ached, the rough cord that was tied around his wrists was beginning to cut off his circulation. Dinner seemed to be taking an especially long time. Shouts of merriment could be heard through the thin walls of the hut, but they were foreign enough that he did not call out for aid.

Without Leonardus there, there was no guarantee that Rajus and Howardus would help him anyways. He mused briefly on the naming scheme that His Penny, as he was beginning to think of her, had used. She must have read Asterix comics as a child. When he managed to unplug himself, he would have to ask her.

He wiggled down until he was seated on the floor, leaning against the post. The pose offered some respite to his hands, if not his back, and to his feet as well. He was unaccustomed to walking rough paths and homes with dirt floors.

From his new position, he was able to take in his situation a little more fully. He had embedded himself in a game, by accident. But how much of him was truly embedded? Was his body still in his chair at his desk? He was inclined to think it was. Was it reacting to the actions he took in this game land? Were his hands moving? He closed his eyes and imagined himself in the chair, raising his hand and moving it towards the kill switch on the laptop, hovering there. What would happen if he turned it off? Would it kill him?

Would he be forced to spend the rest of his life in this place? He was nearly an elder at his age already, how much longer could he have? Five years? Ten?

Resolutely, he imagined himself pressing the kill switch.

He waited.

And watched his leather shoes fade into rough sewn sandals.

"Drat."

"Wassat?" Penny questioned, walking into the hut, a wooden bowl in her hands and a piece of meat hanging out of her mouth. She took in his position on the floor and raised her eyebrows, giving him a dirty look.

He glared back at her. "I was uncomfortable."

She put the bowl in his lap and then went around behind him.

He could feel the skin of her leg next to his hand as she kneeled, then her hands and arms sliding around his waist and chest. His eyes flashed around the room in horror, was she attempting to seduce him? His Penny had never touched him so, not even during a hug!

Her hands slid back and he felt himself jerked, a tightening sensation over his ribs. A rope. She had fastened him to the post with a rope. The tension on his wrists lessened, and he found his hands free, briefly. She crouched around in front of him, nearly straddling his outstretched legs as she fastened his wrists together again, this time in front of him. So he could eat, he realized belatedly.

She stepped back and sat down on her bed, finally pulling the slab of meat from between her teeth, tearing off a piece and chewing on it, watching him. "You'd better hurry up and eat that, before the rats come." She finally said.

The bowl in his lap held a piece of meat, and to one side was some kind of bread, and some kind of potato, sliced lengthwise and baked.

Ancient french fries. Sheldon sighed, but moved his hands to pick one up, sampling it. "Do you have gravy? Or ketchup?"

"Omadena has not been successful in growing the red fruit." Penny shook her head ruefully. "The mystic believes we need to make a sacrifice to the gods."

Sheldon chewed on the french fry slowly, watching her. Sacrifice would not be needed, he knew that. Penny just hadn't found the proper cheat code yet, going as usual straight for the money. How many times had he told her one must take care to ensure the food was grown before building the mansions, or in this case village.

His Penny had always countered that the only part of the game she really liked was the building and interior decorating part.

When he got back he would have to hack in and reload the nourishment credits. "Have you tried building a green house?"

She just blinked at him, and continued eating.

Off course not, he realized, they had no plastic, no glass. Why oh why, he thought, couldn't he have plugged into Sheldonopolis instead?

"My brother wants to sacrifice you." She said quietly. "I told him he must wait till I have procreated."

Frantically he tried to remember the gestational cycle of the Sims. It was vastly reduced, he knew. A matter of days, not months.

"Do you not think you should have more than one offspring, to ensure a surviving progeny?" He couldn't believe he was volunteering to impregnate her twice, but he needed more time to figure this out, he could not be sacrificed, perhaps with more time he could use his great knowledge of how things work to create glass and thus a green house, growing the tomatoes himself and negating the supposed need for a sacrifice at all.

Penny was nodding reluctantly. "You are right, it would be best to have more than one offspring. I will discuss it with my brother tomorrow." She lay down and pulled a fur throw over her, shutting her eyes. "Night."

He sighed in relief and chewed another fry. He had bought some time. Now to figure out a way to get home.

It wasn't until he was drifting off to sleep uncomfortably that a tiny thought wandered into his mind...

Was it possible for a Sims to have twins?


	4. Chapter 4

CH

The horizon was turning pink and orange with sunset when Sheldon noticed his shirts had somehow turned into tunics. He was annoyed, this latest development suggested that his stay in Penny's Sims world was getting closer to what he suspected would be a the pivotal moment in which he would leave or stay forever. Not knowing which it would be was driving him crazy.

Not as crazy as Amyix's children though. She had, as his momma would say "A pack full.". Half dressed unruly little monkey's all of them. Her pets were inordinately well behaved though. A dog had brought them lunch. What passed as lunch, rather. A sort of thin broth, with chunks of meat and grain- it tasted like cardboard and was much the same colour.

The food here was worse than the cafeteria at his Meemaw's care home.

However, that was not the most pressing thing on his mind. Both Amyix and Rajus had agreed, now was not the prime time for Penny to get with child. This worked in nicely with her father's orders that she must go forth and acquire a sacrifice before anything else. It appeared the food situation was worse than he had first supposed.

He thought it might have something to do with the prime micro-climate space being used not for hot-house veggies but for tanning.

Zachus kept the grain fields fairly well, his muscles were even more ripply and luminous than in real life, a fact which Amyix appeared to relish.

Rajus supervised the planting, according to the moon phase, but he did very little else, as did the rest of the population of the village, save the shoemaker. It was a pity, because with a little bit of organization, Sheldon felt they could turn their situation around, become a prosperous nation.

In the food sense. They already had more money than they knew what to do with thanks to Penny's cheat code.

She, not his Penny, but Penny, was currently standing in front of her arsenal, picking her weapons.

"Am I to go with you?" He asked.

She turned her head and raised an eyebrow at him. "You'd just be in the way."

"I could help with navigation, the location of the sun.." He began, but she interrupted him.

"I go at night. Looting and pillaging and kidnapping must always be done under the cover of darkness."

"Ah." He nodded. "You have a target then?"

Penny chose a long sword and checked the blade for nicks and sharpness. "There is a village not far from here, Caltechia. I will go there. They have two warriors, one of them should make a good sacrifice."

Sheldon watched her pick up a coarse stone and sharpen the blade with smooth motions. "And what are their names?"

"Kripkus and Leslieix." She said blandly, deciding the sword was sharp enough and sliding it into the sheath at her waist. "I will go once the night is black." Pausing, she placed her hands on her hips and smiled at him.

"Do I need to tie you to my bed before I go?"


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Sorry about the wait between chapters, it's been hectic. :) Anybody still interested in this?**

CH

It had been a long night. With a stick he had scratched out on the floor countless algorithms, trying to find the math that fit, but nothing did. As the early streaks of light had cut across the sky beyond the computer generated hut walls, he fell into an exhausted sleep, the answer in his mind. He could only be saved from the outside.

How long would it take for someone to unplug him from the computer? How much time had passed? Probably only moments he thought as his eyes closed. He would be here a while.

Penny did not return with the dawn.

It was several hours past midday when she returned to the village, a hapless Kripke walking along behind her, enjoying the view.

Sheldon was in the fields with Amyix and Zachus, trying to convince them to plant vegetables in the tanning area, pointing out that working in such a nice spot would only increase Zachus' godly glow when the drums began.

"Sacrifice." Amyix smiled. "This means Pennyix has returned from her nocturnal excursion with a sacrificial lamb."

"We don't sacrifice lamb for crops." Zachus frowned. "Lamb is for illness."

"I am aware. I was using the term figuratively." Amy stroked Zachus's arm admiring the bulging bicep. "Tonight will be a good night for baby making."

Zachus grinned. "A baby..." He reached over and smacked Sheldon on the arm. "You dog!"

Sheldon scowled down at his feet and rubbed his arm, "I am not a canine, I assure you."

"Let's go, I want to observe the rituals." Amyix announced eagerly, leading the way. "Rajus tells me that they will use the heart stone, and I am eager to see the disemboweling. Anatomy is fascinating."

The drums were pounding out something that sounded oddly like the coconut song that Sheldon's father enjoyed singing, and as they got closer to the clearing where the sacrifice was to be held, he could hear singing as well. _Put the lime in da coconut and drink the bowl up..._

"Oh good grief." He grumbled. "Really Penny? Really? Couldn't you have chosen the Star Wars theme song or something suitably inspiring?"

"Who's Penny?"

"God." Sheldon muttered. "In this world, Penny is god."

"High Priestess." Amyix supplied. "I wonder if she will accept Kripke's heart and give us vegetables?"

"Kripke doesn't have a heart." A voice said from behind them, and Pennyix popped into view from behind a tree. "He's got balls though, the high priestess will have to make do." Her lips were curved into a grin.

"You're not really going to sacrifice him are you?" Sheldon quizzed.

"No." Pennyix shook her head. "My brother is."

She lead them around a small group of people to a low wall compiled of worn stones. "Best seat in the house!"

Sheldon watched in horror as Kripke was lead to a large rock and told to lay down on it. He was a bit wobbly, and oddly happy looking, which caused Sheldon to frown.

"Wine." Amyix whispered, leaning forward to get a better view. "Dulls the senses."

"Tastes great though." Zachus smiled.

Pennyix nodded. Silently, the watched as an ornate knife sliced through the air and blood flowed down the crevice in the rock.

"Huh. I guess he had a heart after all."


	6. Chapter 6

CH

He had spent much of his time thinking of this moment. He was not concerned about having to perform, Pennyix being Penny, she would clearly take the top. Achieving arousal was also not going to be an issue, his secret dreams had been filled with blonde hair since she first uttered the words about him being a beautiful mind. Being both driven and logical, he never suspected that he would one day be in an actual relationship with her though, and he still wasn't even sure if he was. They were going to procreate, yes, but did virtual offspring count? For that matter, did virtual coitus count? At least he had been spared the nuisance of courtship, and repeated saliva swapping rituals. He had been full of trepidation the first night, but by the second, he was curious.

What an excellent way to foray into a part of the human experience he was unfamiliar with, with no ties, no recriminations, and better yet no germs. The best part was, nobody would ever know.

Well, obviously, Penny would know, when she turned on her computer and found her virtual self impregnated, but then she had programmed this to happen, so she must be entirely against the notion.

Pennyix removed her top, and he stopped thinking so much, and just watched, from where he was stretched out on her bed before her. He was already naked, as she had asked, though he had covered himself with the fur throw, which could really use a good cleaning, but he stopped focusing on that too as the rest of her clothes came off and she sidled over and onto the bed, her long hair hanging dishevelled around her face, a smirk on her lips.

Her hands were warm on his shoulders as she slipped under the covers and curved a tanned leg over his hips. "This will be fun!" She whispered into his ear.

He felt the tiniest fleck of her tongue, and he shuddered. Germs aside, it felt extraordinary, like his butt was tingling. Of it's own volition, his hand helped guide her on top of him, and when her hand closed around him, his eyes slid shut.

He was ready. He was more than ready.

He wanted nothing more than this right here.

~P~

Penny tilted her head and stared at the screen in front of her. Something was weird. Off. She hit a few keys, but she didn't have control over her own computer. The last time this had happened, it was because Sheldon had taken remote control to get her levelled up on Conan.

Squinting, she looked closer. The screen was locked on her new sims game, her guilty pleasure. She'd hooked up Amy and Zach and named each of their multiple children, and killed off both Kripke and that Winkle chick several times, each time just as satisfying than the last. She had created a whole town of Kripkes' and Winkles and other university folk for that soul purpose.

But now it looked different. Someone had planted tomatoes in the tanning spot. Another sacrifice had taken place, and it looked like she was celebrating with someone in her fur covered bed.

She leaned closer and gasped.

Sheldon. Her character was having sex with Sheldon! Not that she hadn't planned that but... She looked at the corner of her screen. Her Sheldonus character was still twiddling his thumbs, waiting to be introduced to the scene.

Two Sheldons?

She stood up and marched to the door.

~S~

She was shaking in his arms, calling out his name. He finally understood why the others coveted this activity, shared was so much more satisfying than solo. A few more thrusts and then he would be able to...

He grabbed his head in pain, crying out.

When he pulled his hands away from his face, he was sitting in front of his computer, and Penny was standing in front of him, electrodes dangling from her hand, short dark hairs still attached.

Next time he would use a lighter adhesive.

"What the hell?" She yelled at him. "You created another Sheldonus?"

He blinked warily. "I was Sheldonus. I was stuck in the game."

Her eyebrow went up, "Really."

He started to explain, but she waved her hand at him, and bent to the computer. Sure enough, the Sheldonus in Pennyix's bed was gone, and the blonde was stomping around looking pissed off.

Quickly she loaded the other Sheldonus into the game, and watched in amusement as Pennyix dragged him off to the bed again.

"She wants children." Sheldon said.

Penny sighed. "Doesn't everybody at some point Sheldon?" She turned back to him and crossed her arms over her chest. "Even you, you want progeny one day don't you?"

"A healthy ovum and I could have my own Leonard Nimoy." He reminded her. The way she was holding her arms was thrusting her chest out towards him and being in the game was obviously more an in depth experience than he had thought because he found himself standing and voluntarily reaching for her.

"What are you doing?" She frowned.

"A hug." He said, awkwardly wrapping his arms around her. This Penny smelled better. Her hair wasn't as tangled.

Irrationally, he wanted to see her with her hair tangled again.

He felt her arm slip around his waist and then the back of her hand pressed to his forehead.

"Are you ok Sheldon?"

"No." He muttered, smelling her hair. His body was reminding him that he had not finished what he had started in the game. He ran his hands down her back curiously. Would it be the same? Would it be so bad to let his guard down this time?

"Sheldon?" She questioned again, trying to see his face.

"I was enjoying it." He whispered thoughtfully. Then suddenly he frowned and stepped away. "Why did you unplug me?"

"You weren't answering me!" Penny exclaimed. "It was like you weren't even here."

"I wasn't." He hissed, stomping over to the cupboards. Some tea would be good, something calming perhaps. Mint. "I was in the game, and you pulled me out before I was ready!"

"You were having sex with me!" She yelled. "Did you not finish or something? God, you're cranky! And what were you doing in my game anyways! How did you do it?"

"You were on top." He muttered.

"Not THAT." She hissed. "How did you get into the game!"

He paused and filled up the kettle then set it on the burner with a bang. "It was an accident. I meant to be recording my thoughts directly into Libre Office. It will save bundles of time Penny." He smiled, and then frowned again. "Except I ended up in the game, without a way out."

"So I rescued you then!" she smirked. "You should be thanking me!"

"If you had waited a few more minutes, I would have been!" He spat out, and then froze.

Oh dear god. He was turning into one of them...

He turned around to face her in horror.

She was right in front of him. "So I was pretty good huh? At least you got to enjoy it and not just watch it playing out on the screen!" She jabbed a finger into his chest.

He blinked, and then watched as she opened her mouth, and then closed it, a bewildered look on her face, then turn on her heel to walk away.

He wasn't quite sure what happened, but somehow his hand caught her by the elbow and pulled her back into his arms.

"Let's try this again." He pressed his mouth to hers, and then her response.

Maybe this time would be better, for both of them.


	7. Chapter 7

Ch

The next few days were somewhat awkward. He was not quite sure how to behave, and neither it appeared was she. Once they were in a bedroom with the door closed, it was fine, they fell together, but out in the world, interacting with others...

Sheldon covered up his new found confusion about where his hands should be by delving back into his experiment. Not into the game, but into LibreOffice.

Penny hovered, careful to unhook the wires every five minutes as per his request. Both of them avoided touching the other directly as much as possible.

It wasn't that they were trying to hide the new part of their relationship. The problem was that when Penny touched Sheldon, he now seemed to forget what he was doing and where he was. When he touched her back, she didn't care who was watching. The power of their attraction could be unnerving for their friends to witness, they thought. Best to let it burn behind closed doors for the time being.

It was no secret either, for when Penny announced she was going back to bed, she usually went into Sheldon's room, and he almost always followed her closely behind, unless he was winning at klingon boggle. He in return, had written up a declaration of involvement and notice of female sleepovers as per the room-mate agreement and presented it to Leonard the first time he saw him.

Leonard was surprised, but more interested in the tale of the game. He volunteered for the next game experiment, but was vetoed by Priya, who declared that no boyfriend of hers was going to be rescuing Princess Peach or accompanying Lara Croft.

Bernadette voiced similar objections, and so Raj was chosen. He made quite a dashing figure alongside Puss in Boots, they all agreed, though he still couldn't talk in front of Princess Fiona.

Ultimately, the wires were put away. The speed with which Sheldon could mind-write his data was negated by having to have someone present to bring him out of the program, and he had no interest in marketing the discovery as a gaming system. He did however, secure international patents on it.

As for Pennyix and Sheldonus, their brood grew weekly, and the village flourished with the vegetables and fruits that the now very tanned Zachus was able to produce under Amyix's adoring gaze.

THE END.


End file.
